Beltane tends to be a rough time for me. So much goes on internally that I have a hard time keeping up, and often dig in my heels. May 5, the advent of astrological Beltane this year, was especially tough. The Gregorian dates configured the week to the same setup as the week when my mother died 11 years ago. I really wish my life events didn't happen on holidays so that I could maybe get over them without some glaring reminder to remember the day.
I spent much of the day running into far too many people from my past, not that it's a bad thing. Nevertheless, crossing a temporal gulf can get emotionally trying on a day when I just want to indulge in vice and curl into a fetal ball. Nevertheless, the holiday's all about that diminished separation between consensus existence and subjective existence, so I suppose the spirits took the shape of folks I've met before in their own travels. It feels as if they've been put to rest, at least until Samhain.
This morning feels so much more... clear. I suppose that's part of the holiday's nature; figuring out if you can break out of the gravitational pull of the past. Hell, I talked about the world tree, did a tarot reading, and pretty much ran my gamut of sacred moments. I still have lots of barriers inside me to bust open, but the process is in motion, with decent enough traction to continue.